manbitesgod

Once we learn to walk, that's it really. No other lessons are ever undertaken. (Unless you become a "professional walking athlete" in which case you are taught how to walk in a stupid and pointless fashion.) When we learn to speak, and read and write, we still have to go to school to be taught how to do these things more expertly. But not with walking. The by now well laboured nub of by gist, is that people need more lessons on how to walk. After all, more people on earth walk than drive, with the exception of of the US, where newborns wheelie out of their mother's wombs on tiny, wet, pink scooters... probably.

Let's take escalators, for example. The word escalator literally means to take something you are doing and to escalate it - to make it faster, easier, better. People who get on escalators and just stand there are not walking correctly, and are in desperate need of more schooling. It is not a ride, and if it was it would be a shit one.  It is designed to "escalate" the act of walking. If you get onto an escalator and just stand still, you are giving the escalator nothing to escalate. You also abort the momentum of the people behind you who do know how to use an escalator.

Now some people will argue that an "escalator" is designed to "take you up" - to "escalate your position" rather than "escalate your movements", and if that is the escalator's true function then you can stand still on it if you like. These people may also accuse me of using to many "quotation marks" in my "sentences". My reply to this is - there are down escalators. (and I can use as many fucking quotation marks as I like)

You cannot, by that definition, escalate down. And there is no such thing as a de-escalator. If you are in search of a travel aid that derives its name from going up, then you are looking for an elevator. There are often elevators next to escalators, and if you're the sort of person who enjoys standing still, then maybe you should use them instead.

Shit. Elevators also go down... wow. I'm going to have to do more research into this problem. Ok, if you are the sort of person who stands still on escalators, at least stand well over to one side so I can slide past you unimpeded. Then I can get to the library before it closes.

James
www.manbitesgod.com

MAN BITES GOD - FIRST LIVE GIG in 7 MONTHS - Bar 303 - 303 High Street Northcote - Saturday 28th February 
Supported by The Unusual Suspects (featuring Harry Lye from The Ang Fang Quartet)
and Madeline's Rescue (featuring Rob McComb from The Triiffids and James and Dave from The Drowning Hitlers)
head to www.manbitesgod.com/gigs for details