People often walk up to me in the street and say "Chris, why the hell don't Man Bites God play live more often?".
This usually leads to a long and complex discussion regarding the difficulties of getting all 3 of our entities in the one place at the one time, since we are all now the same person and, like the good Dr. Who, doing so would cause some kind of discontinuity in the space-time continuum were it to happen, say, more than once every six months.
Of course, this is a load of rubbish.
James and I are just biding our time until Mark lifts the restraining order.
In the meantime, why not help a band out by doing one or more of the following...
• Introduce a friend to an MBG song.
• Scrobble MBG tracks to Last.FM and iLike.
• Write a review of an album or/and song on iTunes Store.
• Join the MBG group on Facebook or friend us up on Myspace.
• Sing MBG songs loudly on public transport.
• Write a letter to your local member demanding an MBG gig in your local area.
Sure, none of these things will be admissable in court, but they'll help to keep the dream alive.
Bat on! dear friends.
Once we learn to walk, that's it really. No other lessons are ever undertaken. (Unless you become a "professional walking athlete" in which case you are taught how to walk in a stupid and pointless fashion.) When we learn to speak, and read and write, we still have to go to school to be taught how to do these things more expertly. But not with walking. The by now well laboured nub of by gist, is that people need more lessons on how to walk. After all, more people on earth walk than drive, with the exception of of the US, where newborns wheelie out of their mother's wombs on tiny, wet, pink scooters... probably.
Let's take escalators, for example. The word escalator literally means to take something you are doing and to escalate it - to make it faster, easier, better. People who get on escalators and just stand there are not walking correctly, and are in desperate need of more schooling. It is not a ride, and if it was it would be a shit one. It is designed to "escalate" the act of walking. If you get onto an escalator and just stand still, you are giving the escalator nothing to escalate. You also abort the momentum of the people behind you who do know how to use an escalator.
Now some people will argue that an "escalator" is designed to "take you up" - to "escalate your position" rather than "escalate your movements", and if that is the escalator's true function then you can stand still on it if you like. These people may also accuse me of using to many "quotation marks" in my "sentences". My reply to this is - there are down escalators. (and I can use as many fucking quotation marks as I like)
You cannot, by that definition, escalate down. And there is no such thing as a de-escalator. If you are in search of a travel aid that derives its name from going up, then you are looking for an elevator. There are often elevators next to escalators, and if you're the sort of person who enjoys standing still, then maybe you should use them instead.
Shit. Elevators also go down... wow. I'm going to have to do more research into this problem. Ok, if you are the sort of person who stands still on escalators, at least stand well over to one side so I can slide past you unimpeded. Then I can get to the library before it closes.
MAN BITES GOD - FIRST LIVE GIG in 7 MONTHS - Bar 303 - 303 High Street Northcote - Saturday 28th February
Supported by The Unusual Suspects (featuring Harry Lye from The Ang Fang Quartet)
and Madeline's Rescue (featuring Rob McComb from The Triiffids and James and Dave from The Drowning Hitlers)
head to www.manbitesgod.com/gigs for details
"Brad is eating a donut”.
Those five words have just replaced the part of my brain storing Descartes' sublime existential observation “I think therefore I am”. The more I use Facebook, the more banal information is replacing the interesting stuff stored in my primitive cortex. “Jenny can’t wait for the weekend”. That’s great – suddenly I understand Jenny much more deeply. I feel closer to her, I also can’t wait for the weekend. If only I could remember where I’d met Jenny. Or indeed if I have ever met her. Who the hell is this Jenny and why is the rest of her week such a write off? And why do I need to know that?
Luckily my friends have sent me some weird virtual plants, want me to take a quiz about 80’s sitcom stars and voted me #9 Most Likely To Go Crazy With a Gun. Now I feel much more loved.
I should poke someone and remind them that I exist.
But without the Facebook, I am nothing. Noone could invite me to their parties, gigs or barmitzfahs. Noone could write witty insults on my wall. I would cease to exist. Luckily "I Facebook, Therefore I Am".
Maybe you work in a call centre or maybe you’re between lectures and can afford to waste a few hours in the zany world of social networking, but what really spooks me is that somewhere out there, there’s a genius with the potential to find a cure for cancer or reverse global warming who’s going to be discovering that “Kylie is a fan of Sleeping” instead.
(By the way, the answer to the question "What could you be doing instead of wasting your life on Facebook?" is listen to a little Man Bites God and update your status to reflect that. ;)
- Sort your CD’s by hue.
- Count to a billion-trillion by threes.
- Learn Klingon and teach it to children in third world countries.
- Start and maintain an amateur porn website for Mormons.
- Write an iPhone application in binary code.
- See how much water you can drink before you dissolve.
- Reflect on the tragic life of Heath Ledger in real time.
- Research a way to bring peace to the Middle East using puppies.
- Give nicknames to every cell in your body.
- Print the internet.
- Call everyone in the world and see how much they liked Barack Obama’s acceptance speech.
- Take a photo of yourself every day for 18 years and upload it to YouTube.
- Calculate how many breaths you have taken since you were born.
- Translate the bible (old and new testament) into Elvish.
- Find a happy financial advisor on Wall Street.
- Document all the factual errors in Wikipedia.
- Learn the names of everyone in China by heart and recite them back.
- Sing every song ever written in the key of G as a country ballad.
- Build a robot out of butter.
Chris is finished writing a blog.
This week, we’ll start off with some music videos that pay homage to other music video clips, tv shows or commercials.WEEZER – KEEP FISHIN’
Once again, Weezer find themselves in a sitcom from the past – this time, the Muppets.BEASTIE BOYS – SABOTAGE
The legendary Spike Jonze turns the Beastie Boys into 1970’s TV cops.FOO FIGHTERS – BIG ME
Whilst it may appear to be one big TV commercial for a breath mint, we’re pretty sure you can’t buy “footos” in a shop.BOB SINCLAIR – ROCK THIS PARTY
Bob Sinclair borrows from a whole range of famous music videos - with kids.TISM – WHAT ARE YA?
The masked members of Tism take over a TV aerobics show.BLINK 182 – ALL THE SMALL THINGS
Blink 182 taking the piss out of the Back Street Boys (and other boy bands) and doing it scarily well…BECK – WHERE ITS AT
This genre-busting music video contains some of the best line-dancing since achy-breaky heart.
Make your own and submit it to the Music Video Competitio
n - only 3 weeks to go! Don't leave it til the last minute - the longer your clip is up, the more chance you have of winning the $100 most viewed prize!
And tell us what music videos you love...
Chris. James. Mark.
Man Bites God
Music videos have long been one of the most popular avenues for visual creativity – whether big budget special effects or cheap timelapse, you can pretty much do whatever you like and not have to worry about the narrative, reality or logic.
We start this week with the one-shot wonders – a genre of which James is particularly fond…RADIOHEAD – NO SURPRISES
One shot, drowning Thom Yorke. Simple, effective, bizarre.JACK JOHNSON – SITTING, WAITING, WISHING
One shot, backwards. With fire and smashing things. ESKIMO JOE – LIAR
One shot – Eskimo Joe walk to their destiny. Produced by Australian film director, Nash Edgerton. (Make sure you also check out his fanastic new thriller, The Square)APHEX TWIN – COME TO DADDY
After more nightmares? Freaky children and uber-zombies feature in this full on clip. ROBBIE WILLIAMS – ROCK DJ
Okay, bear with us. This is a music video that is often cut short on commercial television due to it’s graphic nature as Robbie Williams does the ultimate strip tease – the “banned” bit comes after 3 mins…THE CURE – CLOSE TO ME
Imagine a band performing an entire song in a cupboard whilst balancing on a cliff. Oh, you don’t have to – here it is…
Think you can shoot something in one shot or want to showcase your brilliant visual effects talents? Enter the Man Bites God Music Video Competition
Next week, a little post-modernism with music videos that pay tribute to other music videos and a clip with the best line dancing since “Achey Breaky Heart”.
Chris, James and Mark
Man Bites God
Man Bites God are running a music video competition
, so over the next few weeks, we thought we’d share with you what we consider to be the greatest music videos of all time.
They are in no particular order and we may not always like the songs connected to the clips. We mainly love the visuals and the concepts.
And if they inspire you, make your own music video to an MBG track.WEEZER – BUDDY HOLLY
Let’s begin with the masters of the cool video clip. You’ll see them again (and again) throughout this list, but teaming up with Spike Jonze, this Happy Days/Weezer amalgam is truly brilliant. RADIOHEAD – STREET SPIRIT (FADE OUT)
A magnificent exploration of speed, motion and light (but not so-much colour) and smashing stuff.NINE INCH NAILS – CLOSER
If you like nightmares, this clip will provide them in abundance. A surrealist horror film in four and a half minutes.FOO FIGHTERS – LEARN TO FLY
Another band who know how to make a great music video. With a cameo by Tenacious-D, Dave Grohl and band play everyone on a plane. TISM – IF YOU’RE NOT FAMOUS AT 14, YOU’RE FINISHED
Australian bands also make shit-hot clips, though usually with much smaller budgets. Whats better than laughing at awkward teenagers auditioning for Melbourne musical terrorists, TISM? PULP – BAD COVER VERSION
Pulp probably made the celebrity impersonator industry very happy when they filled a studio full of kinda-famous faces.DAVID BOWIE/MICK JAGGER - DANCING IN THE STREET
Proof that a great video doesn't need a big budget, just some great dancing.FATBOY SLIM – WEAPON OF CHOICE
How cool is Christopher Walken? He’s even cool when he dances. And also when he flies. It’s mesmerising.
Tune in next week when we look at some one-take wonders, some kick arse special effects and an entire band in a cupboard.
And don't forget to enter the Man Bites God Music Video Competition
Man Bites God
When we shot our first music video in 2002 for "Improvise" we used the comedians of Melbourne to create a weird, macabre theatrical piece including magicians, ballerinas and ufos.
During the editing process, it became clear that we needed some more lipsynching footage of James singing the song. So I grabbed James, who had been out having a few beers, and dragged him into the studio.
I think the shot fits in pretty seamlessly, but don't take my word for it, see if you can spot the shot in which James becomes suddenly intoxicated.http://www.manbitesgod.com/video/
Alternatively you could spend your time more effectively entering the $500 Man Bites God Music Video Competition and include your own drunken friends.http://www.manbitesgod.com/musicvideocomp
Two men are sitting on stage, next to one another, facing the audience. In front of them are placed two buckets.
MAN 1: Ok. I give you a delicious looking sandwich and you take a bite. It is only then that you realize your sandwich is a mix of dead skin peeled from my blistered, calloused feet and strawberry jam.
MAN 2: Using a complicated series of threats and trickery I somehow force you to floss your teeth with some pubic hair from an elderly whore, who died recently of syphilis.
MAN 1: Somehow I hypnotize you and make you stick your entire head up a fat man's arse. He has terrible diarrhea and once your head is completely inserted, I force you to open your eyes and mouth.
MAN 2 vomits violently into his bucket.
MAN 1: I win! I win!
A naked, smiling old man comes on from the wings and hands MAN 1 a $20 Walmart voucher. MAN 1 cries tears of joy, and they land with a gentle plinking sound in his bucket.
MAN BITES GOD $500 VIDEO COMPETITION - PASS IT ON - head to http://www.manbitesgod.com/musicvideocomp/index.php
Here is a "topical observation" about the demise of Big Brother:
Now that Big Brother has been axed, Australian television executives are looking to other George Orwell novels for their Reality TV shows. Here is what they have come up with so far:
1. Animal Farm - celebrities try to teach pigs about Stalinist politics. When the pigs are voted off, they are fed to the dogs.
2. Down and Out In Paris and London - Nick Nolte guest hosts a show where random strangers are robbed and left for dead on the streets of Paris. Those contestants who cannot turn their suffering into elegant, ironic prose are thrown bodily into the Seine.
3. Coming Up For Air - participants are asked to smell horse manure, and if the smell does not conjure up evocative memories and images of World War II, a beautiful woman punches them in the windpipe.
Man Bites God are being all topical because we have been asked to contribute two songs to Episode Three of ABC Radio's "The Comedy Hour" - which is a very funny half-hour of Australian produced topical humour.
The songs will not be about Big Brother.
The show is recorded live in Melbourne at The Toff in the Town at 1pm this Monday, and it's free to be an audience member.
For details of how to listen to the show, or stream it head here - http://www.abc.net.au/melbourne/features/comedyhour/?section=home
www.manbitesgod.com - new album coming in 2009!
The haiku is such a simple, elegant form of poetry. The Japanese verse consisting of a 5/7/5 syllable pattern allows the poet to convey a thought or image in the most economical way. No word is wasted, and the poem's impact is never compromised.
Here are some original haikus:
Why is a haiku
Seventeen syllables long?
Why why why why why
Ok - here's the deal
The more weird you say you are
The less weird you are
A CRISIS OF FAITH AND ECONOMY
If God is so great
Why won't he lend me five bucks?
God is fucking cheap
I guess Mums and Dads
Sisters and Brothers and Aunts
Are all relative
Don't buy me nice things
I'm not worth the investment
Buy me beer instead
You are decisive
Or you are indecisive
Or both or neither
Man Bites God play THE TOTE this Tuesday at 8.20PM Sharp!!! See GIGS section for all the details.